CASH MICHAELS
NOW WE’VE GOT A CONTEST (I HOPE) !!!
by Cash Michaels
Boy, did you miss a good one! One of my best, in fact.
I had this week’s commentary, about me changing my mind, and urging Pres. Joe Biden to change his, all written, finished and polished by Sunday morning.
But just before 2 p.m. Sunday afternoon, my youngest daughter, who is attending the University of Oxford in England for the summer, but had just flown back there from spending the weekend in Brussels, texted my wife and I to say that “…Biden has announced that he is dropping out of the election,” further adding that he did so (on social media) “…ten minutes ago.”
I have Alexa in the bedroom, where I was dutifully napping, so, concerned that I was missing special coverage, I immediately commanded, “ALEXA, CBS NEWS!”
And my girl, anchor Norah O’Donnell, was just getting on the air with the historic news!
My kid scooped Norah O’Donnell and CBS, from overseas, with the biggest story of the year thus far! Talk about a proud poppa!
But that meant my incisive, hard-hitting commentary urging President Joe to step down for the good of the nation, and pass the baton to VP Kamala Harris, had to go the way of the dodo bird.
However, looking back over it, I did have some good stuff in there I could salvage, like, “I admire Joe’s moxie, and wanted to actually see him stick his old Irish foot up the crooked rear-end of his felonious Republican rival come election time in November. But now I’ve changed my mind.”
That was feisty! I like feisty!
I went on later in the piece to say, “..this isn’t about whether Joe still has it, or even a little bit of it, left, anymore.”
“This is about “all hands on deck,” and winning in November no matter what. Because with the extraordinary threat to democracy Donald Trump and the MAGA Nation pose to freedom, justice and equality if he is reelected, the Democratic Party, the ONLY defense we have against that happening, can’t afford to further set itself on fire right now!”
“Nancy (Pelosi) said it best at the Democratic Unity dinner here last Saturday night,”Elections are about what you’re going to do next!”
I was gettin’ on a roll now, y’all!
“We need unity like mother’s milk, and if we can’t have it going into the Democratic National Convention come August, we damn sure better be buckled tight to it when we come out of it for November.”
Was feelin’ my oats, I tell ya!
“This is not just about the presidency, but about congressional seats, senatorial seats, state legislative seats, and all of the important down-ballot offices to be decided the right way if Democrats come out to vote in solid numbers.”
“Plus we have a crazy governor’s race here in North Carolina that we MUST put our foot down on. We do that, and everything else falls into place.”
“But Democrats MUST show up and vote!”
Ahhh yeah, it was flowin’ like music now!
“Remember last week’s Republican National Convention? Say what you want about it, but the one thing they successfully did was come out of it ready to takeover the world, not just Washington, D.C.. Using the failed assassination attempt on their feckless leader as jet fuel, those MAGA folks are now MAGA-motivated to do whatever it takes to win in November.”
“And they sincerely believe that God (their God, not mine) saved the life of MAGA leader in a “miracle” because he’s “supposed” to return to the throne.”
“When you are facing deranged people like this, you have to have your (begins with “s”, and ends with “it”) meticulously together.”
By the way, I'll remind you that spirit, skylit, skagit, sawpit, and swimsuit all qualify, so kindly get your mind out of the gutter!
I’m leaving out the parts here where I tell Joe he has to step down for the good of the nation, and the party, and reminded him of why he chose Kamala Harris in the first place.
“Joe Biden took a talented, strong, and visionary U.S senator and former attorney general from the state of California under his wing, and made her his vice presidential wing-woman for the past three-and-a-half-years. And Kamala Harris has been a good one.”
Then I went Star Wars on ya!
“Think Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker (at first I chose Yoda and Luke, but I didn’t want to be accused of comparing Joe Biden to an old, ugly muppet). All Joe has to do is tell his VP, “Use the Fooorce, Kamala! Use the Fooorce!”
“Hell, she’ll do that, and more, to defeat Darth Donald.”
“Darth Donald”…I like that!
“Homegirl has worked hard for Joe and the nation. She has met all of the important foreign leaders. She knows all of the important policy objectives, and she knows how to work her former colleagues in Congress to get them passed.”
“Above all, VP Harris is incredibly tough and smart, yet, has a charm and smile that endears her to everyone (except Republicans, who prefer MAGA snakes,“Babydog” and Hulk Hogan as their forever soulmates).”
And then I had a message for the Democratic Party.
“And Democratic Party, grow a pair, for once! Stop playing guessing games, and nominate Kamala Harris as the next president of the United States. Pick whomever you want to be her VP (hey, I have no problem with Gov. Roy Cooper from right here in North Cacalacky. He’s a good man). But let’s make it happen, and make August the month we get our act together.”
And now for the big finish!
“Let’s put this fire out NOW, Democrats, because when Trump and the MAGA-nation bring it, we may never get another fair chance like this to do it again!!! LORD help us!!!”
And I ended it there.
Well now, we’ve got a contest, folks, and it’s all because Pres. Joe Biden made yet another tremendous sacrifice for his country and party. I will always love him for it. That’s leadership, and he didn’t need me to tell him so.
And Kamala sista-girl, assuming that your fellow Democrats don’t screw this up come convention time, I predict that your battle against convicted Felon Man will be one for the history books. All decent people are pulling for you now!
All decent people should!
Even a certain young Yale University senior studying over at the University of Oxford in England for the summer who was too young to vote for Barack Obama when he ran for president in 2008.
But my daughter is the perfect age now to vote for YOU.
Do me a favor, Kamala, and fight like hell to win this, please? It would mean so much to my Baby Girl, and other Baby Girls, who look just like you!
-30-
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